dickflavouredsoup:

her eyes were the colour of

meladoodle:

constantly looking forward to my next meal

yeezuschrist:

whenever i use only one exclamation point i feel like a middle-aged dad who just discovered the internet!

tupacabra:

babies cry because they know how much debt they’re going to be in once they graduate from college

rabioheab:

mom, dad, these are my newborn twins. their names are mom and dad. i named them after you. what do you mean ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ aren’t your real names? what the hell? i already named these kids thanks for telling me now

grandkanye:

who the h*ck decided to spell tongue like that 

ratchetlarry:

mossball:

white people who describe their nationality in fractions

imfamousontumblr:

when somebody actually texts me first and wants to hang out

rneerkat:

rneerkat:

which greek god loved animals the most 

zoos

shorturl:

“i don’t trust anyone anymore” says the 13 year old girl who got in an argument with her friend one time

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

one of my main nicknames courtesy of my family is “emmy” and my uncle was like “what if you marry a guy named anthony whose nickname is tony then you’d be emmy and tony” 

and then “what if his last name was award”

and then my cousin put in “if you have a son you could name him oscar”

emmy, tony, and oscar award

oh my god

my hobbies include pausing nicki minaj videos 

dead:

2012:

lapfoxofficial:

i can’t believe 2012 is fucking dead

i told you dead and i are just friends

wow what the hell asshole i thought i meant something to you